I've participated in or at least been a spectator in enough sports leagues to get a sickening feeling from the phrase: "We are all winners." I'm sure the idea in promoting the "no one loses" mentality is full of good intentions, but what is it that they say about good intentions? ("Good intentions pave the way to [the bad place].")
What if the mentality of "no one losing" that we introduce to our children is actually crippling to them. What if we are actually harming our children by trying to prevent them from ever "losing." Failure is a normal part of life. Some of the things you attempt in life will end in failure. This is inevitable. Therefore, the sooner someone learns to deal with failure the sooner they will be able to use failure to improve or better their life. That's right, I think that an appropriate response to failure can actually better your life. You can learn and grow from losing!
Don't we want kids to be able to cope with failure in life? Or do we want them to face the surprise of failure for the first time as an adult? We have all met our fair share of people who are sore losers. They whine and complain constantly when things do not happen the way they think they should.
Everyone will fail at things in life. You will compete for things and lose. You will work toward a goal and fall short. You will attempt to accomplish a task and come up short. You will sometimes be at the bottom 3 percentile of the activity you are participating in. What are you going to do then? Have a breakdown because in the T-Ball league you were a winner even though you never made it to first base? Are you going to fly into a rage because in the basketball league you were an "all-star" even though you never learned how to dribble? When you do not get the bonus at work because you did not meet the goals are you going to throw a temper tantrum because you were accustomed to getting a participation trophy?
Failure may not be the most enjoyable thing in the world, but I think it does a few positive things in life that we all need! Failure...
1. It keeps you humble. Nothing helps you to get a big juicy bite of 'humble pie' like failure. The bigger the crowd watching your failure, the bigger the piece of pie! Ever met someone so high on themselves that you wished they would fail? (That's not a Christian feeling.) Failure has the uncanny ability to bring you down to earth. A little losing goes a long way to help us stay humble.
2. It reminds you of your shortcomings. Failure is a sober reminder of your inadequacies. Failure reverbs with the truth that you have weaknesses. It can bring to the forefront some of the places in your life you for your observation (as well as the observation of others) where you need to improve. Failure can also help you to realize that you are not cut out for every task and mission. Some people just cannot sing a song on the praise team at church because they do not have that talent. It will be hard to be a star football player in High School when you are a runt! Identifying your weaknesses is the starting place of personal growth.
3. It helps you better understand yourself. Generally speaking, we tend to be blind to our weaknesses. Sometimes we are blind to our greatest weaknesses. Failure brings those to the surface not only so that you can see them, but so that you can assimilate that information into a better understanding of who you are. In order to understand who I am, who God has called me to be, and what His call on my life will mean in the ministry; I must have an understanding of my strengths and my weaknesses. How you deal with failure is a good test of your character.
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4. It serves as a learning experience. Not only do I learn about myself, but I will also learn about others. Sometimes you will learn who your real friends are. Failure tends to drive away the fickle. People want to be around successful individuals, not individuals that fail. People want to be around individuals that can help them, not individuals that they will have to help. You learn the nature of those close to you when you fail. How will they respond? How will they react? How will people treat you differently if you do not get the promotion? You can also learn a great deal about your own character. Are you a sore loser? Are you arrogant?
5. It makes you appreciate others. Failure may just be the greatest tool in helping us to realize we need others. (Remember I am speaking from a Christian perspective so the 'others' I am referring to are the church.) There are no Lone Rangers in the kingdom of Heaven! There are not really any rogue Christians that masquerade outside the body of Christ. When I fail and my brothers and sisters are used by God to catch me, I realize how much I need them and I appreciate them more.
6. It gives you direction in life. Failure is like a "Dead End" road sign. It lets you know you're heading in the wrong direction or going in the right direction but by the wrong means. For example, if people 'boo' you at church when you sing the special you should take that in one of two ways... either I am not gifted with the ability to sing or I have not practiced this song nearly enough. (I would lean toward the 'not gifted to sing' just to be on the safe side for the rest of us.) Failure can be like that roadblock that is saying "cliff ahead, turn back, this is not the direction your life needs to be going!" Hey, do us all a favor and listen to failure! (Note: Not all failure means "give up.")
So, let's be honest with our children. Let' stop telling our kids: "Everyone is a winner." Instead, let's start helping them learn what it means to get back up when they fall. Let's teach them what it means to practice, learn, and improve in the face of failure. Let's teach them to cope with mistakes and improve.
Everyone is not a winner. That simply is not true. Frankly, some of us are just "out and out losers" when it comes to some things. Let's use failure as a learning tool and not something to try and hide from everyone!
What things have you learned from losing?
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