I Fired Jesus

I had to fire Jesus. Wait, let me explain, I'm sure you'll understand. We were in need of an assistant pastor at our church and Jesus, though a little extreme, seemed to fit the bill. We hired him, but later had to fire him. I know, I know, I can hear the criticism already: "You fired Jesus!?" But you don't understand the problems that arose when we brought him on staff at the church. Let me explain by giving you the 'short list' of things we discussed before we let him go.

I fired Jesus because...

1. He kept chasing people off. We had a big day planned with a hip music group, a meal, and some great fun. Jesus got up at the beginning of the service and told everyone they came for the food and games instead of Living Water. It was embarrassing! Especially when people got so upset that they got up and left. It seemed like he was more concerned with having people who were totally dedicated to God. John 6:24-27

2. He kept putting clarifiers on love & grace. I pride myself on being vague. Love, grace, righteousness, and even holiness are encouraging words when not being specific about them. Could Jesus let the sermon on love stand for itself? No. He started teaching people that if they didn't obey God's Word, then they didn't love God. We are trying to convince people they are Christians and it seems like Jesus is trying to convince them they have a sin problem! John 14:15-24

3. He was always preaching about taboo subjects. I only allowed him to preach a few times from the pulpit, because his subject matter tended to be controversial issues. Hell, divorce, homosexuality, death, repentance, hypocrisy, gossip, and religiosity were all covered in one sermon. He would have failed his homiletics class for sure! He wouldn't soften his rhetoric about sinfulness. He wouldn't explain his extreme stance on some issues. It's like he expected everyone to love God with all their heart. Matthew 5-7

4. He made a ruckus at the coffee shop in the foyer. Actually, he was charged with assault. Come on. Everyone has a coffee shop in their church now right? Well, Jesus simply went berserk when he found out what was going on. It was coffee. Jesus kept talking about prayer afterwards. I know of at least 5 people who go to church for no other reason than the coffee so it has to be a good thing... right? John 2:13-17

5. He called people out in the congregation. More than one person has left our church after Jesus called them out for specific sins. One day he told a group of people publicly that the man who prayed in the service was too long because he was trying to be eloquent and intellectual instead of humble and repentant. Jesus seemed to have no filter when it came to rebuking. Luke 18:10-14

6. He caused conflict in some families in the church. Being a church in the South we pride ourselves on family. We are strong on the family. But Jesus was implying that God was more important than family. He even told some people that unless they hated their family they weren't really Christians. Matthew 10:34-36 & Luke 14:26

7. He recommended not helping someone in need. We try to help people in our church. I'm not talking about teaching them how to be stewards of their resources or help them find a job or hold them accountable for purchasing the wrong things with their money. I'm talking about just giving money out. Jesus had the nerve to go against the collective wisdom of the church by saying that if someone didn't work, they shouldn't receive assistance and that it was the responsibility of the family to help the person before the church!? 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12 & 1 Timothy 5:16

8. He told everyone to buy a gun. He didn't have a membership in the NRA, but he told the congregation one Sunday to prepare for the end of time by purchasing a gun. He kept talking about everyone being ready. I didn't really like that he would talk about "end times" anyway, but to encourage people to buy a gun?? Luke 22:36

9. He hung out with the wrong crowds. Don't get me wrong, we want to minister to them too. But Jesus took it a bit too far. He treated them just like me! No, He didn't compromise or put them into leadership while they were in their sin. It just seemed like he cared for people who's picture wouldn't look good on our website or promotional brochures. Matthew 9:11

10. He didn't have a degree. His dad had been a carpenter. Don't get me wrong, he knew everything there was to know about the Bible, but he didn't have a formal degree. There were often times when Jesus seemed confused as to why we purchased fog machines and stage lighting. Had he gone to Bible College he would have understood. He had total disregard for my masters of Divinity degree. He took a few classes, but spent most of the time refuting the teachers of the law and even accusing them of pride, hypocrisy, and outright evil. Matthew 23:1-36

11. He talked to "demons." This just freaked people out. Sure, I know, we believe in angels, demons, etc. But talk to them? It made our church seem fanatical. Spiritual warfare is for Hollywood and Pentecostals, not normal Christians. Luke 8:30

12. He called people names. It's one thing to disagree with someone; it's another to call them names. He actually called some leaders in the church a "brood of vipers." And then asked them how they planned on getting out of Hell? Matthew 22:33

When our leadership executive committee finally confronted Jesus with the list above, along with some others, he did the most shocking thing conceivable: He didn't respond to accusations made against him. He just sat there as we tried to reason with him. So, I think you'll understand why we had to let him go.

Before the meeting was over we tried to be generous by offering him a severance package. His response: "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God."