Ten Things to Say to Your Teenage Daughter/Niece/Girl

This is not my own, it comes from the Internet and I was unable to locate an actual author. I did make a couple of edits. If you know who the actual author is, please let me know.

Ten Things to Say to Your Teenage Daughter/Niece/Girl...

1. If you choose to wear shirts that show off your breasts, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls’ shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls’ breasts and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up. If you don’t want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want attention, but you don’t. You want respect. All attention is not equal.

2. Don’t go to the tanning bed. You’ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones that haven’t died from skin cancer.

3. When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on social media, we know exactly who you’re talking about. People are smarter than you think they are. Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you. Social media is not a place to air your dirty laundry.

4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama. Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t involved in. Life should not be an ongoing soap opera. Learn to let things go and move on without reprise.

5. “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever.

6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being. Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Emotion makes us better – so long as it remains in it’s proper place: subject to truth and reason.

7. Smoking/vaping/weed is not cool. 

8. Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” First of all, that’s not true. And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift. Your reputation matters – greatly. You should care what people think of you just not be in bondage to everyone's opinion. 

9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention. Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you. Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s ego. Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever. You can’t have it both ways. Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don’t. There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households. The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got. 

10. You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are not educated enough. You don’t have enough experience. You are not creative enough.

There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough. You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it. 

You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them. 

You are beautiful. You are valuable.

What might you add that every young lady needs to know?

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This blessed and challenged me. In a postmodern, relativisitic religious universal mentality the Truth is powerful and real.

Excerpt from the sermon: "Secondhand Religion" by  C. William Fisher...

[start quote]

In a day of competing faiths, however, it is not enough to know that we are right; we must know why we're right. It is not enought to give lip service to an important idea; we must know why the idea is important. It is not enough to believe that a theory is valid; we must know why that theory is valid. Iti s not enought ot know the mechanics of getting the experience; we must 'experience' the experience. It is not enough to know the techniques of holiness; we must be holy.

We must know that conversion brings pardon and peace, but that entire sanctification brings purity and power- and we must experience it. We must know that in conversion God forgives our sins, but that in entire sanctification God cleanses and fills our hearts with perfect love- and we must experience it. We must know that in conversion God lifts the load of our own guilt, thus releasing the power of our own personality, but that in entire sanctification God endues us with power from on high- and we must experience it. We must know that in conversion God makes us a new creature, but that in entire sanctification God fills the creature with His own presence and power- and we must experience it!

We must believe either that God can and will remove all sin from the human heart or that He cannot. And if we believe that He cannot then we have no business saying that we believe in holiness. For, as Dr. R. T. Williams said, 'It is either holiness and eradication, or holiness not at all.'

We must believe either that God can and will affect redemptively every area and level of the personality or that He cannot. And if He cannot, then redemption in Christ is not big enough for humanity's needs.

We must believe that God is big enough and good enough and faithful enough actually to cleanse the human heart of all defilement and to fill that heart with the power and peace of His redeeming love- and we must experience it!

[end quote]

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"We Are All Winners"

I've participated in or at least been a spectator in enough sports leagues to get a sickening feeling from the phrase: "We are all winners." I'm sure the idea in promoting the "no one loses" mentality is full of good intentions, but what is it that they say about good intentions? ("Good intentions pave the way to [the bad place].")

What if the mentality of "no one losing" that we introduce to our children is actually crippling to them. What if we are actually harming our children by trying to prevent them from ever "losing." Failure is a normal part of life. Some of the things you attempt in life will end in failure. This is inevitable. Therefore, the sooner someone learns to deal with failure the sooner they will be able to use failure to improve or better their life. That's right, I think that an appropriate response to failure can actually better your life. You can learn and grow from losing!

Don't we want kids to be able to cope with failure in life? Or do we want them to face the surprise of failure for the first time as an adult? We have all met our fair share of people who are sore losers. They whine and complain constantly when things do not happen the way they think they should.

Everyone will fail at things in life. You will compete for things and lose. You will work toward a goal and fall short. You will attempt to accomplish a task and come up short. You will sometimes be at the bottom 3 percentile of the activity you are participating in. What are you going to do then? Have a breakdown because in the T-Ball league you were a winner even though you never made it to first base? Are you going to fly into a rage because in the basketball league you were an "all-star" even though you never learned how to dribble? When you do not get the bonus at work because you did not meet the goals are you going to throw a temper tantrum because you were accustomed to getting a participation trophy?

Failure may not be the most enjoyable thing in the world, but I think it does a few positive things in life that we all need! Failure...

1. It keeps you humble. Nothing helps you to get a big juicy bite of 'humble pie' like failure. The bigger the crowd watching your failure, the bigger the piece of pie! Ever met someone so high on themselves that you wished they would fail? (That's not a Christian feeling.) Failure has the uncanny ability to bring you down to earth. A little losing goes a long way to help us stay humble.

2. It reminds you of your shortcomings. Failure is a sober reminder of your inadequacies. Failure reverbs with the truth that you have weaknesses. It can bring to the forefront some of the places in your life you for your observation (as well as the observation of others) where you need to improve. Failure can also help you to realize that you are not cut out for every task and mission. Some people just cannot  sing a song on the praise team at church because they do not have that talent. It will be hard to be a star football player in High School when you are a runt! Identifying your weaknesses is the starting place of personal growth.

3. It helps you better understand yourself. Generally speaking, we tend to be blind to our weaknesses. Sometimes we are blind to our greatest weaknesses. Failure brings those to the surface not only so that you can see them, but so that you can assimilate that information into a better understanding of who you are. In order to understand who I am, who God has called me to be, and what His call on my life will mean in the ministry; I must have an understanding of my strengths and my weaknesses. How you deal with failure is a good test of your character.

4. It serves as a learning experience. Not only do I learn about myself, but I will also learn about others. Sometimes you will learn who your real friends are. Failure tends to drive away the fickle. People want to be around successful individuals, not individuals that fail. People want to be around individuals that can help them, not individuals that they will have to help. You learn the nature of those close to you when you fail. How will they respond? How will they react? How will people treat you differently if you do not get the promotion? You can also learn a great deal about your own character. Are you a sore loser? Are you arrogant? 

5. It makes you appreciate others. Failure may just be the greatest tool in helping us to realize we need others. (Remember I am speaking from a Christian perspective so the 'others' I am referring to are the church.) There are no Lone Rangers in the kingdom of Heaven! There are not really any rogue Christians that masquerade outside the body of Christ. When I fail and my brothers and sisters are used by God to catch me, I realize how much I need them and I appreciate them more.

6. It gives you direction in life. Failure is like a "Dead End" road sign. It lets you know you're heading in the wrong direction or going in the right direction but by the wrong means. For example, if people 'boo' you at church when you sing the special you should take that in one of two ways... either I am not gifted with the ability to sing or I have not practiced this song nearly enough. (I would lean toward the 'not gifted to sing' just to be on the safe side for the rest of us.) Failure can be like that roadblock that is saying "cliff ahead, turn back, this is not the direction your life needs to be going!" Hey, do us all a favor and listen to failure! (Note: Not all failure means "give up.")

So, let's be honest with our children. Let' stop telling our kids: "Everyone is a winner." Instead, let's start helping them learn what it means to get back up when they fall. Let's teach them what it means to practice, learn, and improve in the face of failure. Let's teach them to cope with mistakes and improve. 

Everyone is not a winner. That simply is not true. Frankly, some of us are just "out and out losers" when it comes to some things. Let's use failure as a learning tool and not something to try and hide from everyone!

What things have you learned from losing?

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