"We're All Winners"

I've participated in or at least been a spectator in enough church leagues to get a sickening feeling from that phrase. We especially do it in children's church leagues.

I'm sure the idea in promoting the "no one loses" mentality is full of good intentions, but what is it that they say about good intentions? ("Good intentions pave the way to [the bad place].")

I think it actually cripples our children. We are actually harming our kids by trying to prevent them from ever "losing." Failure is a natural part of life. Some of the things you attempt in life will end in failure. Therefore, the sooner you learn to deal with failure the sooner you will be able to use failure to improve or better your life. That's right, I think that an appropriate response to failure can actually better your life.

Don't we want kids to be able to cope with failure in life? Or do we want them to face the surprise of failure for the first time as an adult?

Everyone will fail at things in life. You will compete for things and lose in life. You will sometimes be at the bottom 3 percentile of the activity you are participating in. What are you going to do then? Have a nervous breakdown because in the T-Ball league at church you were a winner even though you never made it to first base? Are you going to fly into a rage because in the church basketball league you were not considered an "all-star" even though you never learned how to dribble?

Failure may not be the most enjoyable thing in the world but I think it does a few positive things in life that we all need!

(1) It keeps you humble. Nothing helps you to get a big juicy bite of 'humble pie' like failure. The bigger the crowd watching your failure, the bigger the piece of pie! Ever met someone so high on themselves that you wished they would fail? (That's not a Christian feeling.) Failure has the uncanny ability to bring you down to earth. There's nothing worse than observing someone doing a really bad job at something, but feeling like they are great!

(2) It reminds you of your shortcomings. Failure is a sober reminder of your inadequacies. Failure resounds with the words: "You are the weakest link... goodbye." It can bring to the forefront some of the places in your life you are the weakest for your observation... as well as the observation of others. Failure can help you to realize that you are not cut out to sing a special at church because you cannot sing. Failure helps you to see that you cannot play football in High School when you are a runt. No one can be the master of everything.

(3) It helps you better understand yourself. Generally speaking, we tend to be blind to our weaknesses. Sometimes we are blind to our greatest weaknesses. Failure brings those to the surface not only so that you can see them, but so that you can assimilate that information into a better understanding of who you are. In order to understand who I am, who God has called me to be, and what His call on my life will mean in the ministry; I must have an understanding of my strengths and my weaknesses.

(4) It serves as a learning experience. Not only do I learn about myself, but I will also learn about others. Sometimes you will learn who your real friends are. Failure tends to drive away the fickle. People want to be around successful individuals, not individuals that fail. People want to be around individuals that can help them, not individuals that they will have to help. You learn the nature of those close to you when you fail. How will they respond? How will the react? You can also learn a great deal about your own character. Are you a sore loser? Are you arrogant? etc.

(5) It makes you appreciate others. Failure may just be the greatest tool in helping us to realize we need others. (Remember I am speaking from a Christian perspective so the 'others' I am referring to are the church.) There are no Lone Rangers in the kingdom of Heaven! There are not really any rogue Christians that masquerade outside the body of Christ. So when I fail and my brothers and sisters are used by God to catch me, I realize how much I need them and I appreciate them more.

(6) It gives you direction in life. Failure is like a "Dead End" road sign. It lets you know you're heading in the wrong direction or going in the right direction but by the wrong means. For example, if people 'boo' you at church when you sing the special you should take that in one of two ways... either I am not gifted with the ability to sing or I have not practiced this song nearly enough. (I'd lean toward the 'not gifted to sing' just to be on the safe side for the rest of us.) Failure can be like that road block that is saying "cliff ahead, turn back, this is not the direction your life needs to be going!" Hey, do us all a favor and listen to failure!

So, let's be honest with our children. Let's just be honest as Christians and not tell our kids: "Everyone is a winner."

That's not true. Frankly, some of us are just "out and out losers" when it comes to certain things. Let's use failure as a learning tool and not something to try and hide from everyone!

...but, that's just my opinion!

What do you think?


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